It's sometimes hard for me to fathom that it's been 15 years since I first took steps on my healing journey emerging from the dark night of my mind, body and soul. I have faint memories of how awful I felt in the Autumn and early Winter of 2006-2007. I am in awe of the miracle of healing.
My healing work began with tapping into my imagination and seeing beyond appearances of needing a toe up leg brace, a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility. I was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. My pen became my Divining rod for healing as poetry flowed out of me inspiring mind, body and soul to heal my past through forgiveness and gratitude and creating a future of healing, wholeness and being free in my body.
Wednesday was an absolutely glorious Autumn day. Tom and Ruth Anne are training for the Providence Marathon in May so my runs these days are solo runs. I luxuriate in the solitude and a time for contemplation and reflection while I soak in the sights, sounds and scents of Autumn in New England.
Tom started a new contract job 3 weeks ago. It was supposed to be fully remote with a one or two day a month commute to New Hampshire but it was an every day or 2-3 times a week commute to New Hampshire. Aside from the time of the commute, we are a one car family. Even though we live close to public transportation, it still is COVID. But we can't stay in our bubble forever. Ruth Anne and I ventured out on the T to run errands and grab a bite of lunch. Fortunately the weather was glorious and we ate outside.
There were issues with payroll and accessing his laptop from home. I turned it all over to Source and asked for guidance as I had 15 years ago when I had been diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome. It can be so easy to try and control everything with an iron fist rather than open my hands to grace and guidance.
On Monday, our wall oven wouldn't turn on. I had trouble getting an appointment to have a GE repairman come out while also looking for a replacement oven. Our oven is over 10 years old. Everything was on back order and our oven is no longer manufactured. My mind started racing about what would happen for Thanksgiving, was there another option, maybe we should plan Thanksgiving with our son. But with each footstep my stress was relieved and I had to trust that somehow everything would work out.
I was able to exchange kindness and compassion with people I had contact with to secure a new wall oven and the steps necessary to get the space measured before accepting the delivery. One woman told me that she wished every customer was like me. I remembered how I felt out on my run and let those feelings fuel my negotiations as I navigated a COVID world fraught with supply chain issues and staffing shortages. I watched the magic happen as an appointment with a GE technician opened up for this morning. It just happened to be a technician we have known through the years. He worked his magic and was able to repair the oven.
There were moments earlier in the week when I felt completely overwhelmed. Tom experienced the stress of starting a new role in combination with the commute. Ruth Anne started working part-time for the Town of Brookline which is a magnificent milestone in her healing journey but she had to be at work by 7:45. When I felt that solar plexus clutch and adrenaline rush of worry, I would take a few minutes to sit down, look at the beautiful photos I took, breathe deeply and trust that we would always find a way to manage everything. I focused on all the blessings in our lives and as I did 15 years ago, let my pen be my Divining rod for healing:
Make It Easy on Yourself
When times seem tough
make it easy on yourself
connect to Source!
Outsource worries and fears
When ease seems hard to find
feel faith coursing through your veins
allowing grace to reign
showering you with Divine Love.
Angels seen and unseen stand at the ready
exhale a sigh of relief
with belief and trust.
Ease now flows
sitting by the river bank
nature our best teacher
rustling of autumn leaves
a reminder to let go.
and within and around
all is well
be at peace
be at ease.
As I write this, the smell of Superhero Muffins from Shalane Flanagan's cookbook fills the air. I can plan meals to cook in the oven and we don't have to rely on our grill or our cook top for sustenance. Tom worked out a plan for primarily working from home with his manager. Ruth Anne is thrilled with her part-time job and feels a deep sense of accomplishment for being back at work and making her way in the world once more.
Wednesday's contemplative run was exactly what I needed to reset my mind, body and soul. I have come so far in my healing journey during these past 15 years and I have to be extremely mindful to not allow unhealthy patterns to repeat themselves. When stress bears down in the midst of a pandemic, it can be challenging to not revert to old coping mechanisms. Thanks to the gift of running in my life, and the wisdom I have garnered during these past 15 years, I was able to ultimately successfully navigate circumstances beyond my control.
From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Be sure to visit my website at https://marymcmanus.com to learn about my journey to health and wellness in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma
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